Part 1:Navigating Body Dysmorphia and the Pressure of Recovery: Giving Myself Grace

Life has a way of teaching us lessons in patience and resilience, often through challenges we never anticipated. For me, the journey over the past few months has been marked by two significant struggles: working through the mental and emotional trials of body dysmorphia and learning to navigate the pressure of returning to Strongwoman competitions after major surgery. This process has taught me the importance of giving myself grace, taking a step back, and prioritizing my health and mental well-being over external expectations.

The Mental Weight of Body Dysmorphia

Body dysmorphia is a battle I’ve faced quietly, like so many others in the fitness world. It's an insidious voice in your head that tells you your best isn't enough, even when you’re achieving incredible things. Add to that the physical changes that come after surgery, and it can feel like your body is betraying you.

Looking in the mirror post-surgery, I didn't just see scars—I saw a body I didn’t fully recognize. My strength felt diminished, my progress seemed lost, and that nagging voice of body dysmorphia grew louder, pointing out every perceived flaw. What made it even harder was knowing that my ultimate goal is to stand strong in competitions, where every ounce of strength and every moment of preparation feels scrutinized.

But here’s the truth I’ve had to remind myself: My body is healing. Healing is not linear, and expecting perfection in the midst of recovery is unfair—to my body, to my mind, and to the work I’ve already put in.

The Pressure of Getting Back

Strongwoman competitions are my passion. They are where I find joy, camaraderie, and purpose. But the drive to return "better than ever" so soon after surgery became its own form of weight, heavier than any deadlift. I set milestones, timelines, and goals, all while ignoring the fact that my body was asking for patience. The pressure wasn’t just external; I was my harshest critic, feeling like I was letting down the person I worked so hard to become.

The truth is, recovery after surgery—both physically and emotionally—is not a race. Pushing to meet unrealistic expectations doesn't just risk reinjury; it risks burning out mentally and emotionally. I’ve had to actively work on reframing my mindset to see progress in every small step, instead of rushing to hit the next big milestone.